Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Untouchable BFF

I would like to introduce one of fave people who is just as insane as I am. Twenty something hottie from the DC area currently living...elsewhere. She will be sharing her thoughts here from time to time so here goes it...


So I'm really not using this as an outlet to bitch about guys and theincredibly frustrating post-college dating scene, REALLY... But humor mefor a minute because I think based on all the shit I hear from myfriends you can probably relate and if not you can read it and thinkwell at least I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of nonsense.In my humble opinion I think that the best friend-boyfriend introductionis a very delicate situation and all parties must be on their bestbehavior but the new MAN is the one who needs to step up and impress.The best friend is untouchable... that's standard procedure. Anyway Ihad an unfortunate run-in recently and here it is.

Not to bore you but you need a little background on this scene: over thesummer I was home in the DC area doing an internship for a few monthsbefore moving to Chicago. Majorly on the rebound after OFFICIALLYending things with College Boyfriend I met Singer/Songwriter... perfectfor a summer fling as he was doing nothing before starting NYU MusicSchool in the fall. We had a good thing going for a few months, knowingthe expiration date was my departure and continued to keep in touchafterwards. A couple weeks ago oh-so-generous Singer/Songwriter bookedme a ticket to New York for a weekend sex-sesh as well as to be his dateto an intimate family gathering his parents were hosting at the YaleClub...very posh and unexpected as we had always kept our relationship"casual" to say the least.

I show up in Manhattan and things get off to a great start - good sex,fun witty banter... you know the deal. Saturday night was the familygala and I must say I did a PHENOM job as the pretend girlfriend.Singer/Songwriter loved it. Anyway, patting myself on the back for ajob well done, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity tointroduce Singer/Songwriter to long-time BFF who happens to live in NewYork.

We scheduled a little doub-date boozy brunch on Sunday with BFF and hernew man. Now BFF is a little... out there. I wouldn't call her anacquired taste but she is definitely OUTgoing and OUTspoken and...aggressive. Aggressive meaning talking about her threesome in theHamptons over brunch and discussing her new vibrator purchase over beersfollowing brunch. I'm loving it because quite frankly she'shilarious... maybe it was a bit much if you were meeting her for thefirst time. I'll admit it. However... the BFF is ALWAYS untouchable.That is a longstanding rule. Singer/Songwriter must not have been awareof this, because after leaving brunch/bar (during which he spoke barely2 words) he proceeded to baaaash her. "Insane," "unstable," and "crazy"all made their way into the conversation... which is one of the lastconversations I've had with him. Done.

Too harsh? You decide.

M.Chastity

Friday, September 26, 2008

Ring Around the Rosie

So as a young, professional black woman in her mid twenties I have come to the realization that the shit I allowed in college is shit I no longer have patience for. I call it playing "Ring around the rosie". I don’t have time to go in circles and play games with a man. (any man) At this point in my life I realize that I’m over having a FWB. (Friend with Benefits) That was cool in college. It was easy and effortless; and if the rules were followed...painless. Don’t get me wrong...I love sex. Sex is fun and exciting and it brightens those long days at work when you just cant take it anymore and you anxiously await your afternoon plans of going home, closing the blinds and inviting him “in”. It’s kind of the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Where my current confusion lies is knowing when to be a little more patient and when to just say say la vie I've had enough.

I know that everyone says that you will never find a quality mate in the club which I believe to be partially true; yet I met a man at Happy Hour about 5 weeks ago. Standing at the bar I see him walk through the door. I make eye contact, smile and look away. He walks over to me immediately as if there is some gravitational force pulling him toward me. Long story short we exchange numbers. I’m excited because he is attractive, charming and speaks well. (A man that speaks well is an instant turn on) Later I learn that he is 26, he went to one of the top black colleges (full ride), he went to law school in Houston (full ride), is now a corporate lawyer for a HUGE firm, recently bought a home and has great physical attributes to boot. I’m impressed. I don’t get too excited just yet because as much as I hate it, I am definitely a cynic.

This is how it goes...We text the first 2 weeks. (WACK! What’s up with this new phenomenon of texting instead of calling? kills me) He asks to take me out the first week but I decline because I have company in town that weekend. The following weekend he goes out of town. The next weekend is a holiday weekend and we both have plans. Yada yada. This becomes a whole charade because weeks pass by and there is still NO DATE. We have infrequent phone conversations which are both pleasant and slightly argumentative because he has starts bullshitting me. I won’t go into detail but believe me (cynic or no cynic) I’m old enough to recognize bullshit when I see it. At first I try to look over it and dismiss it. (did I mention I have little patience for bullshit?) So with these infrequent conversations we keep mentioning hanging but no plans are ever made. After two attempts to cut his ass off, I finally invite him to a friend’s bday gathering.We both agree to meet there and hang, with the intentions of the two of us escaping afterward. Cool. The day of the "bday happy hour" he calls me. I’m at work but I take the time to call him back to see what’s up. The usual dialogue is exchanged..."how are you? how is your day?" blah blah blah I ask him again if I will be seeing him at the Happy Hour. His tone sounds unsure but his lips say yes. Something tells me he's not gonna show but I beat down Negative Nancy with a bat (Hiiiii ya! Take that!) "He's going to show" I tell myself. I call him when I’m headed there as he'd asked me to. No answer.(Exhale) I leave him a voicemail.Uh oh. Here comes Nancy again. (I told you to go away!)

Get to happy hour. I’m greeted by lovely friends. We sit down. I order a gimlet to calm Nancy’s ass down. I order another... 4 vodka gimlets and 1 1/2 hours later no sign of him. Check the blackberry...No missed calls. No texts either.(Siiiiiiiiigh) Here comes Ticked off Tameka followed by Pissed Priscilla. I’m trying not to feel angry but I’m definitely disappointed. Should I call him? No. Dont call. Priscilla says "hell yes girl!" but Tameka says" no fool. Why bother?", so I go with texting. I text him and say something that alludes to him losing my number and me planning to do the same with his. No text back. No call back. Nothing. I have officially been stood up. I shake it off and the next day I have erased him from my brain and my phone (text messages too. we know that game don’t we ladies? We erase the number knowing damn well we've got 30 million texts that we can refer back to at a moment of weakness.) 6 days later he calls me. I erased the number but I def still recognized the first 3. Yes. I answer.(Thanks Hopeful Holly!) Part of it is me wanting to hear his bullshit ass excuse so I can shut him down and the other part of it is me hoping he'll ask me for my work address so he can have my bouquet of flowers delivered. (a mix of Lily's and Orchids to be exact). However, this isn’t a fairytale and he sure aint Romeo, so I get the former not the latter. I lay there in bed at close to 11pm looking up at the ceiling listening to him try to G me and wondering why I awoke out of that “good sleep” I was in to listen to some lines that a high schooler would have been more clever delivering.(Exhale) As I listen, I think “Hmmmm. Why me? Maybe I was carrying an invisible sign saying ‘Dummy. Will work for dick’ and that’s why he’s STILL trying.” Who knows? Why men do the things they do is beyond me.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

This is me

Soooo here I am. Joining the blog world. Whupty-do right? Yah, tell me about it. Well this is really for the 5 friends that I know will get a good laugh out of the outrageous shit I plan to write here ...anyone else reading...ummmm. Don't mind me. I've been this way for years.

I'm a cynical, hopeless romantic from the West Coast who is opinionated, brash and sensitive too. I currently live in the Nations Capitol where everybody thinks they know everybody, is trying to get to know somebody and incessant bragging and name dropping seem to be a hobby shared by all. ( I haven't figured out if I'm repulsed by it or if I should just view it as the formula for survival.) I'm a humble, snob who is happy to be a part of the black bourgeios and proud to have graduated from one of the most prestiguous HBCU's in the nation. Yet I have not lost sight of my humble beginnings and realize that a college degree doesn't necessarily make you smarter than anyone else... maybe just a more clever chess player.

Raised in a single parent home by a mother who was both a combination of Mommy Dearest and Roseanne; I have inevitably been trained to be "Ms.Independent". My fairweather father who was a mix of Al Bundy and Peter from the Family guy caused me to have a discerning and slighty intolerable regard toward men who don't immediately "prove themselves". (How many times has this story been put on repeat black america?) Im a roughdraft constantly making editions and when my life gets writers block I pour myself a glass of Riesling, smoke a clove and just...exhale...The Masterpiece is on its way :)