What day is it? Guess it doesnt really matter because as of late every day is like the weekend. I sit on the couch daily for 6 hrs at least piddling on the internet and painstakingly trying to figure out wtf is next; trying to not watch the stupid morning shows, trying to figure out why Sonny Corinthos is still as hot as he was when I used to watch the "Stories" 10+ years ago and wondering why my dogs bark for 5 minutes after the mail man has already made his delivery. Cabin Fever aint even the diagnosis. Its MUCH more excruciating. I was laid off about 3 weeks ago...maybe a month ago...Ive lost track. I DONT miss the job...but I do miss having somewhere to bullshit for at least 4 hours a day while getting paid for it. You cant always control your destiny. Sometimes you've just gotta let the chips fall where they may and just keep it moving. You dont always have to see the light at the end of the tunnel to know that it will soon be shining brightly.
Another thing that's STILL receding is my love life. I still refuse to have meaningless sex but cant seem to find anyone that I'd want to date, make out with or even let bring my trash to the curb. No boo lovin or baking of cakes. Not a nada. Im feeling the need to bakes a batch of cupcakes and I think it will be sooner than later. JP's runnin like a wild stallion this summer. All kinds of Doxy being exuded. Watch out now!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
When things RECEDE...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Love it or hate it
On this 26th day of January I can honestly say that I’m still in a good place. My trip West was REALLY good for me. I was able to put a lot of things in perspective, revaluate a lot of things that were making me unhappy, and figure out what things I can do in the new year to make my life a little happier. It’s amazing how the smallest things have an effect on your happiness. From the music you listen to in the morning to the kind of conversations you hold with your friends day to day. (There are some things I just can’t let bog me down anymore.) These are just a few of the things I have changed that have almost been like a 50 lb Jan sport lifted off of my back. I’ve spoken to a few of my very close friends recently of the things I want to change and many of them have been very supportive and given me great feedback.
While I was home I was able to reconnect with old friends, make new friends, have it out with old friends and just do what I love to do most with friends…CHILL and enjoy their company. It was a refreshing experience and at times a rude awakening. I have changed a lot since I’ve been away. Some things that I thought have been apparent in me for years and some things that have reared its ugly head even more in the last year I’ve been away. (Sigh) In recent weeks I’ve been analyzing myself a lot. What is me and non-negotiable and what is so ugly that it needs to be stuffed inside a straight jacket and thrown into the Potomac River? Hmmmmm Everyone’s got an opinion. Many of which I listen to but don’t let totally influence me. One group of friends thinks my wit and sarcasm is venomous. Others find my sharp tongue to be hilarious. Some see my nonchalant and tell it like it is attitude as bitchy. Others just respect and embrace it. My softer side is now out shadowed on the East with a tougher, no nonsense way of being because that’s what I feel is necessary for survival here. While I was home though, that tough side was tucked away for the most part. It was time spent being affectionate and cuddling with my crew. And on occasion the East Coast Pepper Red did peek out and say hello. This is when problems arose. The feisty, loose lipped east coast Pepper red meets the West coast crew. (Hello!) Some friends put me in check when necessary and others just soaked it in and got to know this new person I’ve grown into. (And for some who didnt like it... I had to turn the mirror around and tell them to take a peek.) Two weeks later I went back East bringing Rainbows, Sunshine and Unicorns. The East side crew meets the: I want to love on you West Coast Pepper red. Now it’s India Arie in the morning to give me the Strength, Courage and Wisdom and sometimes a little Stevie Wonder to give me that push and that smile to start the day. I’ve learned a lot over the last several weeks. It’s a battle of venom v. unicorns. I am looking for that Unicorn that spits venom happy medium. Or maybe I’ll just do away with the venom altogether and just ram you on occasion. Haha Stay tuned!
While I was home I was able to reconnect with old friends, make new friends, have it out with old friends and just do what I love to do most with friends…CHILL and enjoy their company. It was a refreshing experience and at times a rude awakening. I have changed a lot since I’ve been away. Some things that I thought have been apparent in me for years and some things that have reared its ugly head even more in the last year I’ve been away. (Sigh) In recent weeks I’ve been analyzing myself a lot. What is me and non-negotiable and what is so ugly that it needs to be stuffed inside a straight jacket and thrown into the Potomac River? Hmmmmm Everyone’s got an opinion. Many of which I listen to but don’t let totally influence me. One group of friends thinks my wit and sarcasm is venomous. Others find my sharp tongue to be hilarious. Some see my nonchalant and tell it like it is attitude as bitchy. Others just respect and embrace it. My softer side is now out shadowed on the East with a tougher, no nonsense way of being because that’s what I feel is necessary for survival here. While I was home though, that tough side was tucked away for the most part. It was time spent being affectionate and cuddling with my crew. And on occasion the East Coast Pepper Red did peek out and say hello. This is when problems arose. The feisty, loose lipped east coast Pepper red meets the West coast crew. (Hello!) Some friends put me in check when necessary and others just soaked it in and got to know this new person I’ve grown into. (And for some who didnt like it... I had to turn the mirror around and tell them to take a peek.) Two weeks later I went back East bringing Rainbows, Sunshine and Unicorns. The East side crew meets the: I want to love on you West Coast Pepper red. Now it’s India Arie in the morning to give me the Strength, Courage and Wisdom and sometimes a little Stevie Wonder to give me that push and that smile to start the day. I’ve learned a lot over the last several weeks. It’s a battle of venom v. unicorns. I am looking for that Unicorn that spits venom happy medium. Or maybe I’ll just do away with the venom altogether and just ram you on occasion. Haha Stay tuned!
Pepper Red
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