Guess who's bizack?!

After a grueling 8+ hours in transit. I have finally reached my destination and have come 3,000 miles across the US to a place that has now become my 2nd home. My heart will always remain here though. All I can think of is getting off of this fucking plane. I'm starving. My skin is all oily so now bangs feel like they're glued to my face and all I wanna do is get my shit and start my vacay. No sooner than me taking my bag from the overhead bin and walking off the plane my phone rings. Like clock work the first call I get comes from my boy with a girl. (We'll call him Midnite) We have small talk but my a.d.d. has kicked in and I'm straining to hear him over the loud ass bitch on the intercom. Fucking him is the last thing on my mind right now and he knows that I never make time to see him my first night back home anyway. I guess he's putting in the ground work for the days ahead. Little does he know I'm exploring other options. Options that I'd totally forgotten about.(Silly me) We'll see how that pans out.


As we travel across the bridge I look at a skyline that I have a new found appreciation for. Skyrises, lights, and houses in the hills. No more DC/MD/VA license plates...nope. Those are now replaced by a sea of just one kind. The ones with the pretty red cursive.


One of my best girlfriends picks me up. We are like two peas in a pod. Back to catching up and planning out the weekend. I list off all the places I must go before I leave. She laughs and says her and the crew have already had this discussion. "Welp, pepper red is comin. We eat what she wants to eat. We do what she wants to do. We're on her time now." Ha! This is why I love my friends. They are one of the reasons I am the brat that I am today.


First stop after getting off the bridge...find me a Taco Truck! We go to the heart of Mexicanville. I order a steak burrito and a Sunkist to wash it down. Yummmm.

Now to the house I grew up in. Mom greets me at the door. Walk to my room and its just as I'd left it. White dresser and Bookcase. Growing more and more empty each time I come home. My bed with the same pretty green comforter and the cream colored throw on the edge. A closet I don't bother to look inside b/c it contains all the shit I packed up from my "teen' room 6 years ago before my departure East. Now I have an "adult" room. Less is more I suppose.

Today is a new day and more importantly...FRIDAY. I'm up at 6am because my body thinks its 9am. And by midnight tonight I'll be yawning uncontrollably and my friends will look at me like I'm crazy.

Time to run the streets ALL DAY LONG!

P.S. First call of the day comes in at 6am. Who could it be??? Mr.Midnite calling to shoot the shit. Smh Apparently this Kitty has Kryptonite inside!

Before I leave

So today is my last day in DC as I will be heading to the Code 10 Man Down capitol that is home to me, tomorrow. Although I will only be gone for a little over 2 weeks this trip only happens once a year now and just as in the past years, I am uber excited.This time...(sigh) I feel like Im taking a relaxing vacation to Aspen or Martha's Vineyard or something. I guess most people always feel like that when they live miles and miles away from the place they call home. My city isnt glitzy or glamorous. Its not modern or too fast paced. Its not anything anyone could even begin to appreciate unless they are natives or are individuals who are openminded, relaxed, appreciative of diversity, beautiful terrane and bodies of water and mom and pop restaurants that are inexpensive and special to highlight just a few things. A place where you can walk down the street and see gangsta ass Jerome and geeky ass Zack listening to local rap and smoking a blunt together. You may also see white people with dread locks with fists in the air banned together with a plethora of other races marching for civil rights or any other issue they see as unjust. Ahhhh. That is what I miss at times. This is a place where you are accepted no matter what. The bullet points on your resume dont matter. The Tiffany necklace, the Louis Vuitton bag and the Seven jeans dont either.

Beyond any of that though, this is my time to reconnect with my childhood best friends, check on my single mother who is struggling through this f*cked up economy and my alcoholic father who has as of late been trying to mend our relationship the best way he knows how. (sigh) This trip unlike every other trip I will make a concerted effort to do more than just laugh and shake my head at my father who has never seemed to get it together. I have over the last few years masked my anger and disappoinment with laughter. Its all I could do. Perhaps we will both make more of an effort to connect this time. Now my mother on the other hand...getting along with her will be a feat. We are almost the same person. She is a bossy, controlling, tell it like it is, know it all and SO AM I. Whew. I dont like to be questioned or analyzed. I know thats what mothers do but im not that kinda girl. Im a fly by the seat of your pants kinda girl. So everyone pray that maybe just maybe I will be able to keep my sass to a minimum. Maybe I'll have the audacity to clue her in that Im not a virgin anymore. I mean, I HAVE in fact officially been an adult for 7 years now. She HAS to know that Ive been gettin it in 3,000 miles away right? lol

Its time for me to clear my head and think about this years experiences and what I want to change for the next. Im definitely cognizant of the things I want to change and have been slowly working toward them. My pre New Years resolutions! Yessss. I feel like Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale (minus the man.lol) who chopped her hair off and had this sudden release. I want that liberation she felt and I am going to get it damnit!

This year I will change my outlook on life. I will learn more about myself and about life. I will accept the things that I cannot control and change the things that leave me unsatisfied. My outlook on men will be something that I will work on fixing as well. Suddenly I realize that my heart has been locked up, secured and taped off with caution tape all because of my fear of heartbreak. Most of it having to do with my faineant relationship with my father. (Surprise, surprise) Ive created a laundry list of expectations all because of the fear of dating a man like my father. Worthless. Ok, thats harsh and Im trying to let go of the resentment and this strong sense of independence I have when dealing with men. How funny is it that it was once something that was praised and welcomed but now men seem as though we're taking their manhood away from them by not needing them. Guess you just have to find that happy medium huh?

While Im home I will work on getting my kitty some catnip...otherwise she might come out clawing in the new year. Hissssss. Ive got an archive of potential fellows I might be able to call upon during one of my wild drunken nights out on the town. Ive still got that one on deck who eagerly awaits my arrival. (Yawn) He has a girlfriend though and that is what poses a problem. Do I say fugg it let me get mine? Or do I stay the hell away from his ass while intoxicated? lol My heart is telling me no but my kitty hasnt purred in a while so it would be nice. Lets not mention the fact that Im still mad that I had a handsome man asleep in my bed a few days ago and NOTHING went down. (Oh yah, we're JUST friends though) Next time Im gonna pick the shit up and speak into it like a microphone. Check,Check, 1, 2!

As I go on this trip of self discovery, self evaluation and "recovery" I will come back fearless and ready to tackle the year ahead. I will pace myself and not feel rushed to "catch up" with everyone. I will live for me and find my own happiness.

To my five readers, I love ya. See ya soon.

~PepperRed

Knock it off...

As I sit here with the rain beating against my window I've finally decided to put my fingers to the keyboard of my blackberry and describe what's been going on in my head over the last few weeks.

I've been struggling with this inconsistent battle to be happy. I've been in this on again, off again,I'm going to make lemon drops (with sugar around the rim) out of this big bucket of lemons I seem to be carrying around funk. This melancholy mood does not suit me well as this is not usually my personality. (Sigh) I’ve been trying to put my finger on it but cant seem to nail the issue. Maybe its this recession. It’s like the Great Depression in this piece. Sheesh. There were a bunch of layoffs at my company a few weeks ago and I was definitely on the list to go. I am safe…for now...Thank you God for making a miracle!

Maybe I’m homesick. There is no place like home. Home is a place where I can truly be me…and as bad as it sounds I DON’T have to compete.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I haven't been dicked down since Tim. (There was nothin Tiny about him! Sigh) All I have are the memories of a man who lives somewhere in...I don't even remember. Ha! Nonetheless my train ride with Tim went down a whole season ago. Ahhhh. I miss the days when a quick roll in the hay on a late drunken night would quench my sexual thirst. Now it just leaves me parched and unfulfilled. I’ve got a man on deck who wants to give me the bizness like Young Berg when I go home next week but my conscience is telling me HELL NO! But when will I get my release?! This is sad. I’ve been accepting Winter boo applications since the summer and still…NOTHING! This can’t be life! I’m usually NEVER this damn dramatic about getting laid but…I seem to be surrounded by friends who are either booed up or the ones who aren’t are MAN CRAZY! Drives me nuts!!! I must address this. I didn’t used to be like this! I used to be happy and never pressed. Now I’ve got raging hormones and man crazy friends who are making my lack of companionship more obvious. What happened to the single, happy me?! I MUST find her in the New Year.

These days the only thing that makes me happy is going to the gym. It’s such a stress reliever...but then what? I have a monotonous job that's kinnnnnnd of providing me with the experience I want buuuuut not quite. Then there's my home life. That's cool but even that can be a pain in the ass when you've got 3 diff personalities to deal with. One in particular that consistently makes me wanna split her wig. Yeesh.

Then there's the bar/club/lounge scene that gets more annoying, unimpressive and bland by the week. (That there is a sign that I'm getting old.)

It’s funny because I find that at the end of every year people unsatisfied with the current year optimistically hope for a better year to come. That optimism definitely resides in me! 2009 will be my year! Lol

For all those friend (my bff /roomie in particular) who have been putting up with my gloominess and been trying to pep me up over the last few weeks...THANK YOU. Im trying to snap out of this shit. :)

Victory

I think Ive been on a constant high since last Tuesday. It would be safe to say that everyone has. Victory has been won! All of the non-believers, pessimists and conspiracy theorists have all witnessed change. Anyone who thought that the American Dream was unattainable has now begun to think again. This reminds me of a moment that took place in high school. I remember it vividly. I remember sitting in my favorite class...English. It was 9th grade and Mr. Rapson asked me as we as a class discussed one of books we were currently reading...(Manchild in the Promised Land, I think it was). I can remember him looking at me and asking if I believed in the American Dream. That was back in my AngelaDavisIwannabearevolutionary days, so although I had been taught The American Dream was attaintable I still remained doubtful. I was a cynic and a conspiracy theorist who thought that black people would only get their piece of the pie if they were lucky. I wanted to believe in it but if that were the case why was there such a disparity between blacks and whites? Why did my mother struggle to take care of me? Why didnt my family have a place where we "summered"?

Over the years I became more hopeful. After last Tuesday I have become CERTAIN. This was a wake up call for African Americans who were as uncertain as I that ANYTHING is possible. This years election had people thirsting for CHANGE. We got it. I am proud of my people and want everyone to see that this is not the end of the road. White america has changed more than we thought and there is still a long way to go. People were at the polls voting this year that had never thought twice about voting. We had thugs voting! Rappers pushing their fans! There were people raising money and donating their time. Actors, Rappers, Singers and comedians banned together to enocourage America to wake up.

Like a fresh pot of coffee, America has seeminly gotten a whiff and woken up and I hope that we continue to stay awake, continue fighting and keep yearning for our piece of the pie because if you want it bad enough there is NOTHING that can stop you from getting it. NOTHING!

Homemade Happy Hour at the Hostel...take 2

So as usual, the hostel craves attention even when we don't think we do. The bff and I couldn't figure out if we were gonna go to the open bar from 9-11 at our old stomping grounds or the Bacardi open bar at the club in DC that everyone knows and seemingly LOVEs. Whomp! Both places have seemed to become a magnet of the unsavory types. (We'll pass)

As usual we get the word out. Happy Hour. Hostel. 9:30pm. We didn't say BYOB but everyone pretty much knows that first come first serve will NOT serve YOU. (Besides, we're in a RECESSION!) This leads to everyone either bringing in a jug of Bella Sera or a modest yet quality bottle of Robert Mondavi or even something that doesn't necessarily coincide with the "theme" (i.e. a jug of Bacardi) but it definitely coincides with the mission! We all know what that is! Its all the same if you're in the mood for intoxication and just about any contribution is better than NO contribution. (Thanks guys!)

***My eyes are blurred. I AM STILL DRUNK. I started writing this entry before bed last night and even after 6 hours of sleep I am still drunk. Most readers will not be surprised as I am notorious for this routine. ***

Back to last night....
This Happy Hour was a blast. 15 guests in the hostel all of which strolled in and OUT at various times. Everyone walked in with a bottle of wine. We didnt ask them to but its kind of unspoken. The Hostel provide you with a variety of witty, skilled shit talking, well rounded individuals who if nothing else will get drunk with you and provide you with entertainment.We might not be able to provide you with food (or HEAT) but nonetheless you will walk out with a smile and for us thats ALL we care about. Apparently since we have 2 mutts its an unspoken invitation for our friends to bring over their own little beasts.(smile) This pup was new to the Hostel so he didnt know that their was a no jumping on the couch rule and a no pissing like a racehorse on our hardwood floors like you've lost your got damn mind rule. Eh. Luckily he was cute (and a rookie) so he didnt get the smashed nose into the floor treatment.

The night started off on the mellow side with us finishing up Greys...it ended with loud music, shit talking, clove smoking, all the girls dancing gleefully to Beyonce's Put a Ring on it (did i predict that shit or what?!). There was an argumentative yet amusing round of Taboo (followed by some shit called Spoons) played... and ending with 3 cops cars shining their lights on our house in our quaint little neighborhood, pretty much saying "Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out". Hmmmm.Its 2 am on a Thursday... Were we that loud? Must've been the neighbors that ratted. Maybe its the 2 Obama signs we now have in our yard. (Obama 08! )

I had not one boo to call. What has my life become? sigh. I have not one single guy that Im interested in. I tryed calling my fave stud with intentions to get my Girl 6 on. No luck. He was up to something and by the time he wanted to "chat" I had passed out. Oh well. His bad.

I am on my 3rd cup of coffee... gotta recoop for the weekend ahead! Everyone have a safe and fun Halloween! I know I will!

Tall glass of shallow anyone?

I recently spoke to a guy friend of mine who was telling me about a girl he met. He explained that they met a few times and although they lived in different states they kept in touch and I guess you could say they were trying to date from a distance. She went to visit him once and had plans to do so again before the year is up...Here is how our conversation went...

romo: So this chic I met a few months ago on the east coast is really feeling me She is a real sweet girl. However, long distance most often times lead to wondering eyes. And it's not my thing. What do you think? Good? Bad?

Pepperred: Sigh (here we go)

Romo: In addition to that she has too many love handles to envision a long term situation. lol She is planning on coming back to visit before the yr ends.

Pepperred: Lol So ur basically callin this chick fat? And that's an additional reason for u to not talk to her since she alreadys lives far. Correct?

romo: lol

pepperred: Correct.Well I'm sure u knew all of this from the beginning correct?

romo: she is

me: She is fat?Lol

romo: She is not fat but over weight.

pepperred: Lol Soooo my question is why were u even dealing with her in the first place if she wasn't appealing to u?

romo: Like if we were to engage in a situation I would need her to drop 25 pounds.........Pretty face though.

pepperred: Wow.Lol

romo: Nice upper body Thick lower body but mid sec needs work

pepperred: Lol 80/20 (if you don't know what that means please watch Why Did I get Married)...Welp all I can say is that u were silly for even takin it there with her if she wasn't appealing to ... Annnnnnnd she lives across the country. U were playin with her. Which is fucked up.

romo: lol.I told her I was not looking for a girl

pepperred: But she should have been smart enough to recognize that that shit wasn't gonna work.... Even more reason for her ass not to be fuckin with u.

romo: She knew

pepperred: Girls are silly

romo: I was't looking a for wifey... at least not in her

pepperred: I would have maybe hit u up if I was ever in town.Otherwise what's the point?

romo: lol

pepperred: Well ppl have their lists of likes and dislikes but often times (esp as u get older) u gotta learn to look over some shit. Hey she might like mofo's with Masters degrees Or that are 6'6... Orrrrrr that are dark skinned...I dunno. Welp u need to keep it real with her now and tell her that ur too superficial to talk to her. Lol

romo: Thats ok, she can have that 6'5 mofo.Some things you can change. Not that Im not perfect by a long shot.But I can say I try and actively hit the gym.I can deal with a work in progress, but not a castastrophy with no solution lol I have hinted at us being good friends.And she is 3 yrs older than me

pepperred: (I don't know what that had to do with anything)Lol smh.Well I can be the same way. I have alllll of these wants drawn out in my head

romo: I feel you.Why settle for less?

pepperred: I don't want a light skinned man, a man with bad teeth, a man that doesn't speak well, a man that isnt taller than me with heels on, a man that isn't chivalrous in all the ways I want him to be...etc etc etc.Buuuuut then u realize how dumb some of that shit is

romo: Not all of those things

pepperred: But if a man is good in all the other areas some things u need to learn to look over.I prefer a man that is taller than me buuuuut if the right man came around and treated me well I wouldn't trip Things like that ( this is what I tell myself anyway)

romo: I hear that

pepperred: U might want a girl whose hair curls up when its wet...Buuuuut...Lol

romo: lol, u know A splash of native american

pepperred: If u met a girl with nappy ass hair u shouldnt diss her cuz u can't run ur fingers thru that shit when its wet!

romo: lol Real talk.

*****I'll stop the conversation here.*****

Right now I must admit that I've dismissed A LOT of potentially good men because of superficial reasons. Yet I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm trying weigh which of my desires are totally unecessary and which are absolute deal breakers. You might want a man that makes six figures... but he might want a woman with boobs that sit up. Do they? He might want a woman with legs that never end and she might want a man with a hairline that isn't receding. Do you see a hair transplant in your future? He might want a woman with no stretch marks, yet she might want a man with balls that don't sweat excessively. Shall I pass the babypowder?

Everyone has flaws. Its up to you to choose which ones are feasible and which are (realistically) deal breakers. I guess at the end of the day though...to each his own. I'll tell ya one thing...don't demand that she be your Kardashian if you can't be her Bush! Right now I can't be your Kimora and you SURE AS HELL can't be my Russell!

Weekend at a glance

Friday...

My Friday night started with me running out of the office and going to a Happy Hour with my bff and her coworkers. It was a good mix of black and white...young and old. (That's all their is in the town ya know?) Everyone seemed very cool especially the boss lady who definitely had a lot of "soul" for a white girl. Everyone was very welcoming and chatty so naturally I jumped right in as if they were coworkers of my own and this was the end of a long work week together. I was entertained talking to a Caucasian gentleman who was well dressed but sounded like Revenge of the Nerds when he opened his mouth. Have you ever met someone who cleary wants to talk about something in particular but keeps tip toeing around the subject until someone just comes out and says spill it already? This guy kept talking about women he has dated and for some reason he let it be known that he doesnt date other caucasian women. Not at all. Ever. It just so happened that all of the women who were sitting in this section of the table were Black. We all laugh and lean in a little closer as if he had just spoken to us in Farsi. We ask follow up questions just to be clear and he explains this to us again...and to our surprise, not in Farsi like we previously thought. He says that he doesnt date white women at all...ever, for any reason...no way, no how, nuh unh. He didnt even have an explanation as to why he avoids them like the plague. He just does. We laugh again because we're prone hearing black men saying dumb shit like this about black women so hearing a white man say he doesnt date white women was kind of like..."Ah ha! Take that black men who dont know how to appreciate what queens we are!" Whew! That was definitely the highlight of Happy Hour for me.

Sidenote/background info into what Im about to tell you... A very good girlfriend of mine who has/had a boyfriend (who knows what they are now) recently got caught in a very compromising (cheating) situation. (not necessarily sexual) Basically I got word of it (concrete evidence) and I presented my friend with the info I had. All of this evidence received via gchat was kindly forwarded to the victim. The "other woman", (We'll call her "Liv"...who also has a signigifant other) got word that I was the tattletale. She was now apparently in some ish of her own because her boo somehow found out that was doing dirt. Whatever the case may be, she wasnt pleased with the situation OR with me. Blah. I could care less about her angry, resentful feelings. I shared the information that was given to me out of my loyalty to my friend and not for any other reason. She and I had met a few times through mutual friends but she didnt remember who i was exactly and after the incident she was dying to put a face with a name.

Following the interesting conversation with the white guy "LIV" walks through the door and she's coming to sit with us! (She work's in DC's favorite industry) Everyone damn near gives her a standing ovation as she walks in. I grin and look at her and wonder if she will sit in the empty seat thats right next to ME that her friend saved for her. She doesnt. Instead she sits at the head of the table. She barely even looks at me. This makes me laugh even more. I continue on in my conversation with the others. As people start to leave she scoots in closer. Now she is sitting almost right across from me. Still no words are exchanged although we are both talking to the same people. Oh well...


Saturday...

I get up early and begin cleaning the house and also problem solving since Im on phone duty for my job this weekend. (booooo) People are idiots I tell ya. I had to do a few tone checks because my words are lethal when Im frustrated. I washed my hair so it was fresh and flowy for the night. The girls and I filled up the water bottle with the special weekend blend and hit the streets of Washington. We went to a few clubs/bar and settled at a birthday party for a friend that we used to go to college with. There was good mix of familiar faces and strange ones too. One of which looked like Shrek and wanted to converse with me. My name was "Natasha" that night. The night ended with me and my bff arguing (everyone else sighing and laughin b/c they've heard this debate 20 times over) in the car about how I never give any guy a chance. I said "did you see the ears on that thing?!" Bff goes ahead and continues to explain that this is why my ass is STILL single. What can I say? I like what I like. This leads me to the next blog entry about Deal breakers and what is reasonable and just plain shallow.


Sun...

Went to a football game to see my sorry ass team play. They suck but I love them anyway. We left at half time and went to a bar to continue watching them get their asses kicked. As least we won one last week!

Homemade Happy Hour

As usual I have these sudden urges to have company. The hostel always has room for 5 more…visitors that is. Yesterday I sat at work wondering what I could get in to besides just going home after work and doing the usual. So as I sat I decide to gchat my girl and invite her over for a little Wine while viewing Top Model. She's a frisky little kitty like the rest of my crew so I knew she'd be down to come over. Later on in my noworkjustgchatallday work day I speak to my roomie/bff and tell her I'll probably be cooking din din. She then suggests we turn it into birthday dinner for a mutual friend of ours (also the man who is currently trying to put a ring on it. Hers not mine!) In true Pepperred fashion I then let it be known to everyone on gchat that we will be having wine and watching Top Model at the Hostel. The more the merrier! Din din is cooked by 7:30. The birthday boy arrived first…hmmmmm…how will I wish him a happy birthday sincerely? I know! Go get the limes, Salt, shot glasses and…what else? TEQUILA! Wow. Yes. Going hard on a Wednesday. Its what we do. Even Ms. Homebody is downstairs hanging out with us! She EVEN took a shot!


Soon 3 more guests make it inside. One of which I didn't even know was coming. Oh wait, backup; did I mention that one of the guests brought their dog? In a fur coat at that! Fab. She walks in with that old school Franzia. Whatcha know about that? So I bring out my bottle of wine too. One of the big boys. Pour it up and sit back and watch Top Model. There are 9 people in the house at this point. Not everyone is drinking. Only about 4 out of the 9 are indulging in this splendid and thrifty purchase from Shop Rite. Before Top Model has even ended we have gone thru a big boy and I am on my way to go get the next one. Gotta always have a backup! Uh oh! Someone wants to do another shot of Jose. (We don't typically drink Jose anymore but it was leftover from Homecoming weekend. Sue me) I run back to the kitchen like a Jamaican at the Olympics and cut up some limes and grab the salt. Here we gooooo! Happy 30th birthday! Sike. I lap up the load of salt that looks like its just been dumped on my hand by a Tonka trunk. We take the shot and chase it with a lime. You know the routine. Awww shit. Wine…now Tequila. This isn't going to be good. What am I thinking?! This is not college. Oh well. It's Wednesday and it's a recession. That's reason enough. We break for less that 2 minutes and all grab our wine glasses and continue drinking. Lawd. We are slightly saddened by Tyra's choice of who gets the boot so we take another sip of wine in memory of our fellow sista girl who just got dissed. Guess all we've got is baby Kimora now. Sigh


Our fellow rent payer,friend and my crew's favorite DJ is sitting there like she doesn't know her que. Since she doesn't I remind her. "Ummmmm. Go play some of that old school playlist you made from the last wine party we had." (You don't get black folks drunk and don't give em' some music to jam to!) She was on it pronto. 5 minutes later we were in there hands waving in the air, two stepping, shuffling, slidin', and c walkin' like there was no tomorrow. Finally we realize that we all have jobs that we must report to in the morning not class. People head back to their homes or to whatever destination is going to provide them with a "good" nights sleep. The hostel puts up their sign. We are closed for the night but back open again tomorrow.

6am: My bladder wakes me up right on time. Time for my routine trip to the bathroom. My head and stomach are getting the last laugh. What was I thinking again? Wine and Tequila? Not such a good a idea. I open the hall closet, grab the bottle of Aleeve, head to my bedroon and grab the Dasani bottle on the nightstand. Lord please make this go away by 7:30 when I wake up...

A PENNY for your thoughts...

Today starts the beginning of my foolish behavior for the week...my homecoming is this week and although Ive done it what feels like a thousand times over but my crew is coming to town which make me excited all over again. This means my ass will not be at work tomorrow. So here are some thoughts milling around in my head at the moment...

1. Why are plane tickets to the West coast so effin expensive right now?! Happy Hour will have to be put on the backburner for a while so I can save.

2. I love hearing the click clack of my heels on the ground. It makes me feel sexy.

3. I hate reading peoples pointless ass status messages on Facebook and Myspace.

4. Water bottles WILL be filled with liquor this weekend!

5. I wonder if the gov't can bail my ass out of paying Sallie Maes ass back.

6. Im learning to pick my battles. My roommate threw keys down the stairs at me the other night. It took everything in me not to act a damn fool...This same roommate will turn from Mommy Dearest to Claire Huxtable this weekend when our guests come. Hmmmm...maybe its just me she doesnt like. lol

7. Men 10 years my senior have a thing for me. I really don't get it.

8. Im tired of the hustle and bustle of the city. I hope this is my last year here.

9. Its amazing how much coffee turns my mood around in the morning. Its like a mental slap.

10. My old FWB (friends with benefits) is coming to visit me in a few weeks...just for the weekend. Whoa. I dont even have words for that right now.

11. Im wondering how much trouble my blog will get me in. Hmmmm...

12. I had this sudden urge to play with a baby the other day and then I went to the store yesterday and heard this baby screaming like there was no tomorrow. My sudden maternal instincts have been subdued. Yesss!

13. That new Beyonce video for Put a ring on it is the shit. I CANNOT stand hearing Beyonce in the club, but that song and video is FAB... Sorry fellas, theres a new song for girls to walk around the club singing. How much you wanna bet every girls left hand will be all in your face when this song comes on?

A peek inside

I live with 6 people. 3 peoples names are on the lease. 4people pay rent. 1 is a squatter and 1 is the boyfriend of the lease signers also making him a squatter AND a...(Fill in the blank).

2 of the 6 are party girls. (1 of which would be me) and 2 are Virgins. (Yes.those still exist). The other is a homebody who would never leave her room if she didn't have to.

Looking around the house I see condoms and lube in random nooks and crannies. This brought home by one of the girls who will have the rights to a white wedding dress some day. There is often loud music and loud talking. Flip flops from summer are scattered around,hair ties and bobbi pins too. Clutch here. Shot glass there.There are lawn chairs in a corner leaning against the wall just in case the three couches aren't room enough for the company we are likely to entertain at a moments notice. My unused Richard Simmons dvd (that I bought for nostalgic reasons) still sits in eye view and often times provides a good laugh for our guests who do a double take when seeing it.

During the week the party girls ration whatever bottle of alcohol that was purchased from the previous weekend for pregaming purposes. Our screwed up priorities often leave us with minimal food and having us salivate over the meals that Ms.Homebody makes during the week. Instead of purchasing groceries to last us thru the week we purchase drinks at happy hour and then come home to sneak a helping of whatever yummy dish Ms.Homebody whipped up.
(Thanks food network!)

The two party girls/ unfit " mom's" have two yappy dogs who have probably been nicknamed by our suburbian neighbors as the hood dogs. They weigh less than 20 lbs put together,yet these pitbull protege's bark at squirrels,children,our landscaper and the mailman like they're ready to take a bite out of crime when in reality all it takes is a belly rub to shut them up. One is totally lazy and one is an angry runaway who has lately decided to pull disappearing acts just for fun. (You'd swear we were on Mike Vic status).

There's a stolen Obama sign in the yard that our ignorant asses are proud of. That is the 2nd of two attempts to steal one. (Yes we know we could have gone to the headquarters and gotten one for free, but where's the fun in that?)

Currently we're a mixture of a Different World and Livin Single. Not my ideal way of living but when your friends need you, you willingly make your home a hostel. That's what friends are for right?

-PEPPERRED

Post Grad Blues

As many single graduates may have come to realize...random sex is a lot harder to come by after college. For me college lovin was never hard to come by. I wasn't whoring myself out but when I wanted it I could get it.

Since graduation and after dumping my ex I have fallen into a slump...getting laid consistently. Wait,wait, wait...let me state that I am an attractive, funny and charismatic young lady in her mid twenties...and if I REALLY wanted to get laid I could,but this entry is to describe the hardship many of us college grads go through...once the frisky and risky business has been kept to a minimum.

Things seemed so easy in college. You saw him on campus...class...house party...Common Share...basically it didn't take much to seal the deal. Gettin frisky with a like minded gent didn't take so much evaluating. He was in school, you were in school. His group of friends were'nt totally wack or total dogs and you and your girls were fun,fly and flirty. Whatever the case may be you knew just enough info so that you both were comfy enough to get down with the get down. And boy would it go down.(Continuously)

Now, its not that easy.You may still be as frisky as a calico but now you've gotta be more selective in any man you may potentially wanna let wipe you down.

You're at Happy Hour. You meet personable seemingly decent and genuine Mike. Mike works in gov't, has no kids, no girlfriend (or wife),lives in an Apt in MD, has a degree from a reputable school etc. After chatting with him for the last hour and those vanilla vodka tonics kick in those hormones start to go into overdrive. He moves a little closer, you lean in laughing a little extra hard at his jokes. Oh shit that new TI is on! He leads you to the dance floor. (Awww shit!) You give him a little shake,then you throw it back a little. (Not too much) Ok! He's hangin back there. Whoa. Songs over and ummm...I'm starting to get a little too "happy".

You both begin to talk about what you're doing "after this". Both of you tap into the others brain and its clear you'd both like to devour each other like a basket of cheese butter biscuits at Red Lobster.You do after all have an "itch" that could use a little scratching.(Sigh) Had this been back in your college days it would have gone down like a one night stand on Spring break. But its not sooo you won't. Instead you give him your number and make sure to find a way to get his last name so you can at least facebook stalk him in the meantime. (Exhale)

So I think this is a perfect follow up to my post yesterday. This can be what happens when you dont medicate your tourettes and the tables end up turning...ON YOU. (perhaps I will just stfu.sigh) Without further adieu here's my girl M.Chastity...

The Invisible (Uncrossable) Line: Best Friends and Advice

I've been on both sides of the conversation in the last two weeks with my roommate/best friend. Her situation: dating a guy who is pretty perfect on paper (good looking, kind of like Brody Jenner but gayer,good job, nice family, nice apartment… you get the gist) but their relationship leaves a lot to be desired. From a third-party perspective he's moody, withholds affection, and doesn't give it up in the bedroom nearly as much as she would want. All unacceptable in my mind.

My situation: reconnected with an ex whom I had previouslysworn off "forever" for a weekend of talking and catching up (but NOT having sex… yes, really, I swear).

Our relationship (roomie and myself that is) is very open and we feel free to offer unsolicited advice frequently. Now most of the time whether we agree with the advice or not we let it roll off our backs…the other one undoubtedly means well. HOWEVER. We each have made the mistake of overstepping our boundaries and commenting on something that hits a sore spot and just pisses the other one off. Clearly every relationship has its flaws and when you see something crystal-clearly you want to help a girl out!

I made a comment to herabout 'Brody' last week that she clearly did not appreciate… honestly I made several and I'm not sure which one triggered the claws to comeout but let me tell ya, I knew I had erred. Well this past weekend I got mine. As an outsider and someone who cares about me, roomie hadto warn me about getting sucked into this less-than-ideal conversation with Ex-Boyfriend, I totally get it. I would have done the same. But somewhere along the line she went a little too far in assessing his personality flaws and it REALLY stung… and I was the one who was PISSED. As much as you think you know someone else's business the truth is you don't know it as well as they do and you definitely don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I learned my lesson… I might be keeping my mouth shut a little more these days.

M.Chastity

Best Friend v Girlfriend

One thing you must know about me is that I'm very over protective and boldy self-righteous. I have a male best friend that I have known since 5th grade. I confide in him about things I don't tell some of my best girlfriends. Now there are a lot of different theorys on whether men and women can be just friends and I am here to testify that it can be done. He and I have laid in the same bed together and not so much as grazed asses.I have laughed in the faces of his girlfriends (and current) girlfriend who dare to go up against me. Most of them have these pre conceived notions and decide to dislike me before even meeting me. Sigh.(I request that they calm their insecure asses down this is not Brown Sugar.) So in all the years of us knowing eachother if something was going to happen I think it would have by now. Dont you? Here comes the dilemma... His girlfriends ALWAYS look at me like I just stole the cock right out of their hands! Currently my best friends girlfriend has a bit (read: BIG) of a problem with me...

They have been dating for 2 years now I think and she and I have never gotten the chance to meet. Yet because of a brief run in over the telephone when they first began dating she has since had a few ruffled feathers that I had no knowledge of. She recently decided to send me a message over Facebook. (Im trying to avoid the ruffling of any more feathers so these "characters" will remain nameless) Here goes...

Hi BEST FRIEND,
I asked "Jason" if it would be okay to send you a message and of course he shrugged his shoulders. Anyway, I wanted to clear the air between the two of us. While you probably don't have any issues with me (at least that is what Jason said) I want you to know that I don't have any issues with you. It was unclear when he went to DC my feelings about the situation and I know he could have expressed somethings that may have not been true. The issue that I did have with you was from so long ago and I have dropped it. I just thought that I would let everything go because I don't want there to be any "hard" feelings when we eventually meet each other.I hope you have a great weekend!Girlfriend My response...

Sidenote: "It was unclear when he went to DC my feelings about the situation and I know he could have expressed somethings that may have not been true" She basically forbade him from staying at my place while he came to visit and he agreed to stay in a hotel to shut her up. Instead he stayed and my place and slept on the couch.

Girlfriend,

Wow. Definitely didn't expect a message from you in MY inbox but I respect it...Hmmmm.Well I was never aware that there was any reason to have ill will. (Not from my end at least) I do remember that conversation from a looooong time ago where I was on speaker phone answering some "hypothetical" question which I apparently answered incorrectly in your eyes. (This is my assumption) But to be honest I didn't even know the depth of your relationship so at that point you were just another girl in my eyes.My apologies for any brutal words that were said in that conversation but as I'm sure you probably now know, that's just me. To be honest I never thought twice about that conversation until now. Its all water under the bridge...Regarding his trip to DC I'm still out of the loop as to why it was such an issue.I don't know if your insecurity lyed with him coming and staying with me or if it dealt with something else but "Jason" and I are the best of friends. NOTHING more! Trust.(Me dancing in the club with him made me vomit in my mouth a little.lol) So you have nothing to worry about. One thing I know for sure is that he really cares for you.I hope that this settles your uneasyness b/c it looks like we're going to be a part of eachothers lives in some capacity so we might as well be friends :)

Ciao!
~best friend

Best friend,
I do want to clarify why I was upset about the DC trip. Whether friends or not I feel that it is completely unnacceptable for my boyfriend to go stay with any girl. While I know that you and him are just friends and it is nothing personal against you....it is not appropriate period. I think you would feel the same way if your boyfriend would go stay with another girl. Jason and I have already come to that agreement as he knows if the situation was reverse he would throw a fit.I just wanted to clarify that. All in all we have moved passed it...and like u said its water under the bridge.
~girlfriend

Ummmmm.That last message from her was not even worthy of my response.

Ok.So I've known my best friend for 15+ years and you're telling me that just because you are insecure you have the right to put up barriers?! Please.One thing you must realize 1. I was here first and am not going anywhere 2. Your insecurity is NOT my problem.I am NOT your competition 3. Please do not go up against me b/c I will hurt your feelings and make you cry. 4.I am the least of your worries, but if u want me to point out something for you to worry about I'll be happy to.

So I think I have proven my argument. What do you guys think?

Untouchable BFF

I would like to introduce one of fave people who is just as insane as I am. Twenty something hottie from the DC area currently living...elsewhere. She will be sharing her thoughts here from time to time so here goes it...


So I'm really not using this as an outlet to bitch about guys and theincredibly frustrating post-college dating scene, REALLY... But humor mefor a minute because I think based on all the shit I hear from myfriends you can probably relate and if not you can read it and thinkwell at least I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of nonsense.In my humble opinion I think that the best friend-boyfriend introductionis a very delicate situation and all parties must be on their bestbehavior but the new MAN is the one who needs to step up and impress.The best friend is untouchable... that's standard procedure. Anyway Ihad an unfortunate run-in recently and here it is.

Not to bore you but you need a little background on this scene: over thesummer I was home in the DC area doing an internship for a few monthsbefore moving to Chicago. Majorly on the rebound after OFFICIALLYending things with College Boyfriend I met Singer/Songwriter... perfectfor a summer fling as he was doing nothing before starting NYU MusicSchool in the fall. We had a good thing going for a few months, knowingthe expiration date was my departure and continued to keep in touchafterwards. A couple weeks ago oh-so-generous Singer/Songwriter bookedme a ticket to New York for a weekend sex-sesh as well as to be his dateto an intimate family gathering his parents were hosting at the YaleClub...very posh and unexpected as we had always kept our relationship"casual" to say the least.

I show up in Manhattan and things get off to a great start - good sex,fun witty banter... you know the deal. Saturday night was the familygala and I must say I did a PHENOM job as the pretend girlfriend.Singer/Songwriter loved it. Anyway, patting myself on the back for ajob well done, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity tointroduce Singer/Songwriter to long-time BFF who happens to live in NewYork.

We scheduled a little doub-date boozy brunch on Sunday with BFF and hernew man. Now BFF is a little... out there. I wouldn't call her anacquired taste but she is definitely OUTgoing and OUTspoken and...aggressive. Aggressive meaning talking about her threesome in theHamptons over brunch and discussing her new vibrator purchase over beersfollowing brunch. I'm loving it because quite frankly she'shilarious... maybe it was a bit much if you were meeting her for thefirst time. I'll admit it. However... the BFF is ALWAYS untouchable.That is a longstanding rule. Singer/Songwriter must not have been awareof this, because after leaving brunch/bar (during which he spoke barely2 words) he proceeded to baaaash her. "Insane," "unstable," and "crazy"all made their way into the conversation... which is one of the lastconversations I've had with him. Done.

Too harsh? You decide.

M.Chastity

Ring Around the Rosie

So as a young, professional black woman in her mid twenties I have come to the realization that the shit I allowed in college is shit I no longer have patience for. I call it playing "Ring around the rosie". I don’t have time to go in circles and play games with a man. (any man) At this point in my life I realize that I’m over having a FWB. (Friend with Benefits) That was cool in college. It was easy and effortless; and if the rules were followed...painless. Don’t get me wrong...I love sex. Sex is fun and exciting and it brightens those long days at work when you just cant take it anymore and you anxiously await your afternoon plans of going home, closing the blinds and inviting him “in”. It’s kind of the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Where my current confusion lies is knowing when to be a little more patient and when to just say say la vie I've had enough.

I know that everyone says that you will never find a quality mate in the club which I believe to be partially true; yet I met a man at Happy Hour about 5 weeks ago. Standing at the bar I see him walk through the door. I make eye contact, smile and look away. He walks over to me immediately as if there is some gravitational force pulling him toward me. Long story short we exchange numbers. I’m excited because he is attractive, charming and speaks well. (A man that speaks well is an instant turn on) Later I learn that he is 26, he went to one of the top black colleges (full ride), he went to law school in Houston (full ride), is now a corporate lawyer for a HUGE firm, recently bought a home and has great physical attributes to boot. I’m impressed. I don’t get too excited just yet because as much as I hate it, I am definitely a cynic.

This is how it goes...We text the first 2 weeks. (WACK! What’s up with this new phenomenon of texting instead of calling? kills me) He asks to take me out the first week but I decline because I have company in town that weekend. The following weekend he goes out of town. The next weekend is a holiday weekend and we both have plans. Yada yada. This becomes a whole charade because weeks pass by and there is still NO DATE. We have infrequent phone conversations which are both pleasant and slightly argumentative because he has starts bullshitting me. I won’t go into detail but believe me (cynic or no cynic) I’m old enough to recognize bullshit when I see it. At first I try to look over it and dismiss it. (did I mention I have little patience for bullshit?) So with these infrequent conversations we keep mentioning hanging but no plans are ever made. After two attempts to cut his ass off, I finally invite him to a friend’s bday gathering.We both agree to meet there and hang, with the intentions of the two of us escaping afterward. Cool. The day of the "bday happy hour" he calls me. I’m at work but I take the time to call him back to see what’s up. The usual dialogue is exchanged..."how are you? how is your day?" blah blah blah I ask him again if I will be seeing him at the Happy Hour. His tone sounds unsure but his lips say yes. Something tells me he's not gonna show but I beat down Negative Nancy with a bat (Hiiiii ya! Take that!) "He's going to show" I tell myself. I call him when I’m headed there as he'd asked me to. No answer.(Exhale) I leave him a voicemail.Uh oh. Here comes Nancy again. (I told you to go away!)

Get to happy hour. I’m greeted by lovely friends. We sit down. I order a gimlet to calm Nancy’s ass down. I order another... 4 vodka gimlets and 1 1/2 hours later no sign of him. Check the blackberry...No missed calls. No texts either.(Siiiiiiiiigh) Here comes Ticked off Tameka followed by Pissed Priscilla. I’m trying not to feel angry but I’m definitely disappointed. Should I call him? No. Dont call. Priscilla says "hell yes girl!" but Tameka says" no fool. Why bother?", so I go with texting. I text him and say something that alludes to him losing my number and me planning to do the same with his. No text back. No call back. Nothing. I have officially been stood up. I shake it off and the next day I have erased him from my brain and my phone (text messages too. we know that game don’t we ladies? We erase the number knowing damn well we've got 30 million texts that we can refer back to at a moment of weakness.) 6 days later he calls me. I erased the number but I def still recognized the first 3. Yes. I answer.(Thanks Hopeful Holly!) Part of it is me wanting to hear his bullshit ass excuse so I can shut him down and the other part of it is me hoping he'll ask me for my work address so he can have my bouquet of flowers delivered. (a mix of Lily's and Orchids to be exact). However, this isn’t a fairytale and he sure aint Romeo, so I get the former not the latter. I lay there in bed at close to 11pm looking up at the ceiling listening to him try to G me and wondering why I awoke out of that “good sleep” I was in to listen to some lines that a high schooler would have been more clever delivering.(Exhale) As I listen, I think “Hmmmm. Why me? Maybe I was carrying an invisible sign saying ‘Dummy. Will work for dick’ and that’s why he’s STILL trying.” Who knows? Why men do the things they do is beyond me.

This is me

Soooo here I am. Joining the blog world. Whupty-do right? Yah, tell me about it. Well this is really for the 5 friends that I know will get a good laugh out of the outrageous shit I plan to write here ...anyone else reading...ummmm. Don't mind me. I've been this way for years.

I'm a cynical, hopeless romantic from the West Coast who is opinionated, brash and sensitive too. I currently live in the Nations Capitol where everybody thinks they know everybody, is trying to get to know somebody and incessant bragging and name dropping seem to be a hobby shared by all. ( I haven't figured out if I'm repulsed by it or if I should just view it as the formula for survival.) I'm a humble, snob who is happy to be a part of the black bourgeios and proud to have graduated from one of the most prestiguous HBCU's in the nation. Yet I have not lost sight of my humble beginnings and realize that a college degree doesn't necessarily make you smarter than anyone else... maybe just a more clever chess player.

Raised in a single parent home by a mother who was both a combination of Mommy Dearest and Roseanne; I have inevitably been trained to be "Ms.Independent". My fairweather father who was a mix of Al Bundy and Peter from the Family guy caused me to have a discerning and slighty intolerable regard toward men who don't immediately "prove themselves". (How many times has this story been put on repeat black america?) Im a roughdraft constantly making editions and when my life gets writers block I pour myself a glass of Riesling, smoke a clove and just...exhale...The Masterpiece is on its way :)