As I sit here with the rain beating against my window I've finally decided to put my fingers to the keyboard of my blackberry and describe what's been going on in my head over the last few weeks.
I've been struggling with this inconsistent battle to be happy. I've been in this on again, off again,I'm going to make lemon drops (with sugar around the rim) out of this big bucket of lemons I seem to be carrying around funk. This melancholy mood does not suit me well as this is not usually my personality. (Sigh) I’ve been trying to put my finger on it but cant seem to nail the issue. Maybe its this recession. It’s like the Great Depression in this piece. Sheesh. There were a bunch of layoffs at my company a few weeks ago and I was definitely on the list to go. I am safe…for now...Thank you God for making a miracle!
Maybe I’m homesick. There is no place like home. Home is a place where I can truly be me…and as bad as it sounds I DON’T have to compete.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I haven't been dicked down since Tim. (There was nothin Tiny about him! Sigh) All I have are the memories of a man who lives somewhere in...I don't even remember. Ha! Nonetheless my train ride with Tim went down a whole season ago. Ahhhh. I miss the days when a quick roll in the hay on a late drunken night would quench my sexual thirst. Now it just leaves me parched and unfulfilled. I’ve got a man on deck who wants to give me the bizness like Young Berg when I go home next week but my conscience is telling me HELL NO! But when will I get my release?! This is sad. I’ve been accepting Winter boo applications since the summer and still…NOTHING! This can’t be life! I’m usually NEVER this damn dramatic about getting laid but…I seem to be surrounded by friends who are either booed up or the ones who aren’t are MAN CRAZY! Drives me nuts!!! I must address this. I didn’t used to be like this! I used to be happy and never pressed. Now I’ve got raging hormones and man crazy friends who are making my lack of companionship more obvious. What happened to the single, happy me?! I MUST find her in the New Year.
These days the only thing that makes me happy is going to the gym. It’s such a stress reliever...but then what? I have a monotonous job that's kinnnnnnd of providing me with the experience I want buuuuut not quite. Then there's my home life. That's cool but even that can be a pain in the ass when you've got 3 diff personalities to deal with. One in particular that consistently makes me wanna split her wig. Yeesh.
Then there's the bar/club/lounge scene that gets more annoying, unimpressive and bland by the week. (That there is a sign that I'm getting old.)
It’s funny because I find that at the end of every year people unsatisfied with the current year optimistically hope for a better year to come. That optimism definitely resides in me! 2009 will be my year! Lol
I've been struggling with this inconsistent battle to be happy. I've been in this on again, off again,I'm going to make lemon drops (with sugar around the rim) out of this big bucket of lemons I seem to be carrying around funk. This melancholy mood does not suit me well as this is not usually my personality. (Sigh) I’ve been trying to put my finger on it but cant seem to nail the issue. Maybe its this recession. It’s like the Great Depression in this piece. Sheesh. There were a bunch of layoffs at my company a few weeks ago and I was definitely on the list to go. I am safe…for now...Thank you God for making a miracle!
Maybe I’m homesick. There is no place like home. Home is a place where I can truly be me…and as bad as it sounds I DON’T have to compete.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I haven't been dicked down since Tim. (There was nothin Tiny about him! Sigh) All I have are the memories of a man who lives somewhere in...I don't even remember. Ha! Nonetheless my train ride with Tim went down a whole season ago. Ahhhh. I miss the days when a quick roll in the hay on a late drunken night would quench my sexual thirst. Now it just leaves me parched and unfulfilled. I’ve got a man on deck who wants to give me the bizness like Young Berg when I go home next week but my conscience is telling me HELL NO! But when will I get my release?! This is sad. I’ve been accepting Winter boo applications since the summer and still…NOTHING! This can’t be life! I’m usually NEVER this damn dramatic about getting laid but…I seem to be surrounded by friends who are either booed up or the ones who aren’t are MAN CRAZY! Drives me nuts!!! I must address this. I didn’t used to be like this! I used to be happy and never pressed. Now I’ve got raging hormones and man crazy friends who are making my lack of companionship more obvious. What happened to the single, happy me?! I MUST find her in the New Year.
These days the only thing that makes me happy is going to the gym. It’s such a stress reliever...but then what? I have a monotonous job that's kinnnnnnd of providing me with the experience I want buuuuut not quite. Then there's my home life. That's cool but even that can be a pain in the ass when you've got 3 diff personalities to deal with. One in particular that consistently makes me wanna split her wig. Yeesh.
Then there's the bar/club/lounge scene that gets more annoying, unimpressive and bland by the week. (That there is a sign that I'm getting old.)
It’s funny because I find that at the end of every year people unsatisfied with the current year optimistically hope for a better year to come. That optimism definitely resides in me! 2009 will be my year! Lol
For all those friend (my bff /roomie in particular) who have been putting up with my gloominess and been trying to pep me up over the last few weeks...THANK YOU. Im trying to snap out of this shit. :)
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